An interesting thing about the great saints is that while others experienced them as holy, they experienced themselves as sinful. St. Paul said, “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners — of whom I am the worst” (1 Timothy 1:15). And Lord Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance” (Luke 5:31-32). The following story is told of Abba Sisoes (d. 429), one of the great Desert Fathers of the ancient Egyptian desert (his feast day is observed on July 6):
When Abba Sisoes was about to die, and the fathers were sitting with him, they saw that his face was shining like the sun. He said unto them, “Behold, Abba Anthony has come.” After a little while he said again, “Behold, the company of prophets has come,” and his face shone twice as bright. Suddenly, he became as one speaking with someone else, and the fathers sitting there asked him, “Show us with whom you are speaking, father.”
Immediately, Abba Sisoes said to them, “Behold, the angels came to take me away and I asked them to leave me so that I might tarry here a little longer and repent.” And the old men said unto him, “You have no need to repent, father.” And Abba Sisoes said to the fathers, “I do not know in my soul if I have rightly begun to repent,” and they all realized that the old man was perfect.
Then, suddenly, his face beamed like the sun and all who sat there were afraid and he said to them, “Look! Look! Behold, the Lord has come and he says, ‘Bring unto me the chosen vessel which is in the desert,’” and he at once delivered up his spirit and became like lightning and the whole place was filled with a sweet fragrance.*
Therefore, let us not lose heart. Let us gladly own ourselves sinners, that we may be cleansed by our Lord Jesus Christ and know our true identity in him. Let us gladly confess our lostness, that we may know our true home in him. Let us gladly embrace our death, that we may know our true life in him. Amen.
* The Paradise of the Holy Fathers, Vol 2, translated by E.A. Wallis Budge, (Seattle, WA: St. Nectarios Press, 1984)
